There are certain things in life that deserve a comeback: low-rise jeans (controversial, but hear me out), statement belts, even a sensible ballet flat. But you know what does not need a revival? Circa-2010 full-forehead, swooped-over side bangs. Yes, Tory Burch, I am looking directly at you and your runway.
Now, before the Tory stans come for me, let me just say-I love Tory Burch. She usually nails that sweet spot of chic tailoring and modern polish. But when I saw what was happening with that hair on the runway this season, my brain immediately screamed: timeout chair. We cannot, I repeat cannot, go back to the era where every girl at the club looked like she was being attacked by a diagonal curtain of hair.
Let’s break this down:
- The Placement. These weren’t chic little face-framing tendrils. These were full commitment, left-to-right, forehead-spanning strands that looked like they were auditioning for a unibrow cosplay.
- The Execution. It wasn’t even giving “sleek French side part.” It was giving 2010 Facebook album captioned “beachin’ with my besties”—you know the one.
- The Victim. Poor Emrata. Emrata is a genetic lottery winner, and yet there she was, parading down a Tory runway with a strand of hair trying to escape across her face like a rogue windshield wiper.
I had to pause the livestream. I had to take a lap.
Now, in fairness, this could very well be the work of the hairstylist du jour—because let’s be real, Tory’s collections are too good for her to personally be gluing down side bangs backstage. But to whichever hairstylist decided to give us déjà vu from our high school yearbook: I say this with love-no.
Fashion is about recycling trends, sure. But there’s a difference between a playful nod and a full-blown regression. Nobody-and I mean nobody-needs to relive the era of side bangs so severe they required industrial-strength bobby pins and a prayer to stay in place during a gust of wind.
So let’s make a pact, fashion fam. We’ll embrace the sequins, we’ll accept the return of capris (begrudgingly), we’ll even dabble in a kitten heel again if we must. But side bangs stretched across the forehead like a human comb-over? That’s where we draw the line.
Tory, darling, we adore you. Keep giving us dreamy metallics and that perfect balance between uptown polish and downtown cool. Just… leave the side bangs in the vault where they belong, right next to jeggings and frosted lip gloss.
Okay, rant over.
Toodles.
Xx,
Jennie
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